Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Randomize
