Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
