I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
just come out here and I will go home with you...
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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