you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
