I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
