just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
