CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
