i think my tv is drunk
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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