i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
