Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
