New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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