I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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