How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My liver is preforming stress tests.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
