dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
