first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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