I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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