If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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