u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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