We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
