You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
