is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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