He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
