so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
