He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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