It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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