how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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