I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
