i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Randomize
