You were right. It hurts to walk today.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
