I'm gonna have a badass scar
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
