the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Randomize
