The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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