I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
