The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
