So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
