so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
