I puked a lego.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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