I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
