when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
