It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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