Can Purell be used as lube?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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