my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
