Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Randomize
