I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
