Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
