Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
