I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
