My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Screwed.edu
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
