i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
