i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
