I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
