How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
