There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
