So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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