Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
