I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
