dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
