I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
