saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
